i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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