A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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