i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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