Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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