Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
