Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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