okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
