i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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