Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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