Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
