He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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