I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
