I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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