An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
