she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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