I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
