I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
