Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So vagazzling was a success
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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