It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
