And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
