dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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