Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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