whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
