this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
