Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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