I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
