i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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