so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
