When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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