i don't like sucking hair
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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