ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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