none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
