Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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