i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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