I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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