I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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