She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
