Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
