he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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