BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
