I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
