Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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