Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
