Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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