Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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