Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
