I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize