I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
