imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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