FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
