is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
