dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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