Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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