My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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