The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
