Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
