Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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