He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
