That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
