Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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