hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
