Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
