But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
