So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
