good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
