apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
