Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
