You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
