You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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