Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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