i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
