Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
