he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
