she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
