I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
40s are totally the cure
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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